Evolution in Marriage

We all don’t evolve at the same speed, it is technically impossible.

mr. f.g.

Evolution is constant but it is not at the same pace for all organisms. Evolution is progressive for all living things that dare to thrive through challenges. When it comes to humans, we are all challenged differently, therefore we have differing opportunities and paces to evolve. Some at a faster pace, some at a slower pace. Relationships expose this difference profoundly as “growing apart” which in actuality is just the recognized realization of compound change or evolution over time. One person is moving forward, progressing, and evolving at a quicker pace than the other AND the usually one-sided understanding of this creates stress.

A few things can happen when this is recognized:

1. The person progressing faster can slow down and allow the other to catch up. (kills spirit and momentum)
2. The slower individual can speed up and catch up to the one that is progressing faster. (exhausts energy and fuels doubt)
3. both can appreciate and support each other’s needed based on where they’ve progressed to. (beyond the normal cultural scope)

The unfortunate thing, while we might progress in life skills, wealth, and self-care, compromise must be made with someone that hasn’t. Momentum for both will be disrupted greatly (ie. resentment) or brutal understanding must be made (ie. with fear and jealousy). Why does this happen? Because we believe that commitment means complete acceptance and partial blindness to different needs, different seasons, different evolutional paces. In our western culture, we feel that relationships is a game that we must win or at least show success in front of our friends and families. We disregard feelings, evolutionary progress, and the seasons when we are exhausted. We push through because we are winners. We push through because we are afraid. We push through because we can, we’ve been cultured to keep pushing, we’ve been tricked into looking and feeling a certain way. We expect perfection, yet invite misery.

The evolution in marriage is directly based on the continued evolution of each partner and their collective support for each other. Each partner powers the marriage and if one partner feels like they are powering the marriage by themself, in a false way, or without a grateful partner…it is not a marriage, it is exploitative relationship.